Very early in the morning on a particular date and time last summer, I was praying. Praying desperately, as I remember it, for something to change, or for my perspective to change, or for something to shift within me. I was discouraged, disoriented, and without direction, and it felt like it was all crashing in. If you’ve ever had late night/early morning prayer time like this, you know what I’m talking about, and if you haven’t, well, I don’t wish you the pain but I do wish you the presence.
It was a call for help coming from deep within me, and in response I had a surge of clarity that was unlike anything I’ve experienced. I felt Jesus in my heart saying to mark the day and time, that I would see changes in the year ahead that would be unbelievable to me in the present moment. I felt my mother speaking in, that I would see things she couldn’t have imagined, that it would slot together into place like connect four, the pieces falling perfectly into narrow windows. There was more to it, but that’s enough of my crazy to put into the world for now.
So as you might guess, the anniversary of this conversation with God, or delusion, or dream, is coming up, and there are some things that have fallen on the calendar around that date which are curious and might be benchmarks of new paths. They could be “somethings” or they could fizzle out. Some of them seem like negative possibilities and some positive, but like that old story says: blessings and curses aren’t always what they appear. They can come disguised as each other. So, we’ll see.
I hesitate to put this in writing at all, because of just how strange it sounds. I know I sound crazy at times, and I probably am a little crazy, but hopefully in a good way, and I own my view of life and the world as the product of years of prayer, study, and experience. Most people keep their “dark”, “strange”, and “crazy” pretty stuffed down, and fully believe it’s hidden from the world, oblivious to the fact that everything comes to light eventually, and that always feels sad to me. I prefer light and air. And, really, what if “something” or “somethings” did happen in my life around that date, and the pieces did fall into place just like connect four, and I told this whole story then, after the fact? You’d never believe me, and who would blame you?
So, I’m stepping out on a limb with trust in God’s goodness, and I’ll certainly tell you what shakes out around that date, if anything. The truth is that, with rare exceptions, our lives tend to change and shift in inches and we’re usually not aware of the changes as they’re happening. If something were to pan out for me in some noticeable way, it would be astounding, and I find even that possibility exciting. So, stay tuned. I invite you to sit with me on this branch with our eyes to the sky, and let’s see what happens.
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